life ain't a bed of roses

DON'T EXPECT

2010-08-26T09:40:00.003+08:00

School have started and the heat is on now. There are so much things to do and yet so little time. I'm starting to think if i made the right decision back then to come here. Things seem a lot toughier and i afraid that i may not be strong enough to handle everything. But i guess things are never easy.

Somehow or the other, I'm feeling really drained out. I'm very tired of standing alone at times. I'm very tired of shitty attitude that people give. The Lord say offer your other cheek when someone slaps your right cheek. But am I really capable of doing that? I doubt so. They say give and not expect. But with human nature, is that possible?

I don't enjoy having my mind messed with. Kindly bring it straight.

MOODY DAYS GO AWAY

2010-08-16T23:06:00.002+08:00

so much have happen recently. I would say mostly not very good stuff. I wonder what's the reason. Is it all me? Is it that i'm not good enough, not understanding enough? I guess you're tired of a lot of things like things at work, outside at times and some disagreements we had.

So many things have been on my mind. The term just started and I'm still in holiday mood. I have no mood for proper stuff except slacking. I've been very short tempered for some reason and at times i feel tired. I feel stretched.

I want this period of time to be over. I really do or else I don't think I would be able to take things for long. I miss the old days.

If one doesn't have any expectations, one will not have any disappointment. So it's better for me not to expect cause I don't want to get disappointed.

2010-08-03T22:43:00.001+08:00

crap, i am so not looking forward to tomorrow.

anw just a random thought, i can't believe what happened today! i can't believe i did all those things that i didn't believe in. crap, what's going on. i need a time out!

NO TITLE POST

2010-08-02T23:51:00.001+08:00

i'm simply not in the mood for anything. Because of you.

I'M BORED

2010-08-02T10:14:00.003+08:00

It's already the month of august. Which means the school term is starting soon. Procrastination will also begin sooner or later. I felt like i haven't even started playing. There are so many things that i wanna do still but time does not permits. Oh well, I'm kind of tired to type. Shall just upload some pics.

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY

2010-06-28T21:46:00.003+08:00

Is it just me or are the people's around me getting erratic these days. Their temper is just like the weather man. But i guess we all have our days.

I so wanna a break. I'm dying for a trip abroad where I'm in a new culture and environment. I seriously want it. I feel like escaping from the world for a while where i retreat to somewhere to recuperate.

I've been reading this book and it got me thinking. Its funny how human beings are like. When things go all smooth sailing, we never stop to thank whoever that made our life live so happily. We just carry on living. But when things don't go our way, we start praying and asking for help. I guess we humans are like, we tend to be complacent at times and take things for granted. Just like the people around us who we thought will always be there for us when we need their help. We all make the same mistakes.

A relationship between you and someone is not just based on having a meal with that person and asking how he/she is, is based on effort. The effort that 2 person put into the relationship. This was what my daddy told me.

It's funny how whenever i see dark clouds in the sky and it look like it's going to pour, it will always remind me of you. I will always remember that incident in the rain. That memory belonged only to both of us.

On my way to the train station one morning, I was down with a cold. With me in my hands were baggages that weighed a ton. It was pouring that morning. I made my way to the train station despite the down pour. By the time i survived making my way to the station, my clothes, shoe and myself were soaked with the rain. I figured i should head home now and get a hot shower since i'm already sick.

I left the station and was on my way home. The phone in my pocket rang, it read your name. The name on the screen brought assurance to me. An assurance that no matter what, I know you'll be there somehow somewhere. I picked up that call and we spoke. You asked me where I was and offered to pick me up. I told you it's alright since i'm already heading home. You asked me to go have a good rest and take care and then we hung off.

After that call, despite the wind blowing into my face and my clothes soaked to the bone, I smiled within me. I smiled because you called.

I thank God for you daddy :) You're the man of my life

In fact, I thank God for everyone. Everyone made my life interesting :)

FORGIVE & FORGET

2010-06-26T22:36:00.003+08:00

at times it seems weird that though you are surrounded by the people you love and trust, but somehow you still can't seem to tell them what's wrong. you can't seem to say what's bugging you inside. And thus, you just decided to keep it to yourself as things will seem so much easier.

You're not alone if you feel this way.

Anyway beside from that, I've been telling myself that I need to forget and forgive you.

I need to let go of all the grudges that I bear.

I need to forget all the things you've done to hurt us.

I need to forgive your wrong doings for there is no one perfect on earth.

Otherwise I'll be at the end suffering with anger and you'll just be partying.

MAKING TIME

2010-06-08T22:21:00.002+08:00

if we watch a replay on how we led our lives, it will most likely be this sequence. We came to this earth as a baby then as we grew older we went to school. As years goes by, the education and stress gets higher. When we leave school, we then carve our career and unknowingly get caught up in the rat race. After that once we stop working, we will be having white hairs on our head and making appointments to have our dentures make.

That lifestyle applies to almost everyone. Somehow we rarely stop the fast pace of our live and go to make time for our love ones. I guess this is something that myself and some others should learn. Whenever things goes our way, we get too caught up with things and not treasure and make time for the important people around us. Only when trouble comes do we turn to those we once neglected.

I really want to make time for people i love.

LOVE

2010-06-02T21:52:00.002+08:00

Being in love, being together means something. It means that out of so many millions of people, we finally found someone that we fell in love with. Someone that will love us back. Someone that will be there to go through thick and thin. Isn't it tough to just find this someone?

But why is it that when you finally found this someone, at times we just take things for granted. Thus things start to sour a little. We tend to throw tantrums with one another, we fight and quarrel.

These things may strengthen the bond but too much of it breaks the bond. So i guess if i really love this person, i will have to accept and love him for who he is. It's not easy, but i will do my best.

At least i tried, rather than not trying.

RANDOM!

2010-05-28T09:58:00.002+08:00

These couple of days i seem lost at times. I feel lost with the future and the present. Weird. I used to not think about the future too soon but now it seems like everyone is asking me regardless of whatever that is related to the future.

It scares me a little at times. I may be 21 but i feel that i'm still not that mature enough to handle so many issues at a time.

This period of time is when things get busy and somehow i feel that we lack good communication. You're feeling stress and tired while i'm guessing about how you're feeling and why sometimes we both behave this way.

To me something means a lot to me but to you it means just a normal thing to do. I guess it's the sleepless nights and burn out moments that made us feel this way recently. Things haven't been very smooth but oh well, a rough path will then lead to a strong bond.

I still remember telling you that a rough path lead to a strong bond, but you said, a too rough path might break the bond.

you've been there for me during the days when i threw tantrum and make a big fuss over certain things. you've heard many of my complaints as well. Though at times it kind of irritate me cause i'm waiting for your advice and opinion but i'm still thankful you hear.

i really hope that this tough times will go away soon. I really miss the past between us at times and i know it will be back soon once everything tough and difficult is over :)

NEED TO LEARN

2010-04-20T21:11:00.003+08:00

I need to learn how to be tough and not get bullied.
I need to learn how to strong and not crumble.
I need to learn how to stand on my own and not be affected by others.
I need to learn how to defend for myself.
I need to learn how to fight back if I have done nothing wrong.
I need to learn how to be my old me.

I miss my old self.

Just a random thought

MONDAY BLUES!

2010-04-19T17:55:00.002+08:00

though i'm at home on a monday but i'm still having big time pre tuesday blues if there is such a thing. Every morning before i set off to work, I need to have that strength end enthusiasm for work but i can't find any now. I guess i'm only purely working for the money and the cash ain't that good anyway.

Enough procrastination i guess. I'll just suck it in and endure. Tough times don't last but tough people do :) A lot of news have been going on now but i can't be bothered cause i feel that there isn't a need to. People talk and who cares cause they don't know me so i need to learn to not bother so much about people's impression. It'll only get me down so what for.

I have the urge to go for a feast! Like a real eating feast with shopping! Argh, i need retail therapy and good food!

MAD FOR NO REASON

2010-04-02T17:54:00.006+08:00

I was angry. You were tired. We weren't talking and now we're piss. Piss for the wrong reasons and probably there wasn't even one to started out with.

I was angry with a friend and so angry that i didn't wanna talk. You were dead tired and frustrated that you didn't feel like talking. None of us started a conversation and the ice was then unbroken.

I offered you food and drinks for fear of you feeling hungry or thirsty but you turned me down despite me stooping to a low level in order to know that you're alright.

I rushed out of the house to pick you up at our usual meeting place after rushing all the chores just to make sure that i'm not late when meeting you cause i know you won't be glad.

I know you sacrificed as well. Your time, your sleep and many more.

Why am I writing so much to trying to make you to understand when you don't even read it. Or should I say you don't even know the add for it.

Peace.

"GOODBYES"

2010-03-07T12:03:00.003+08:00

I was just watching an episode of a serial drama yesterday night. That episode was talking about goodbyes. Goodbye in terms of a guy leaving for another part of the world to do things in order to give back to society.

It made me ponder that goodbyes is like one close episode and life moves on before there's another meet up. Goodbyes can be some what a good thing because it can mean that it's one day nearer to the next meet up.

Recently, many of us have bid farewell to polytechnic life which include friends, classmates, lecturers and etc. It felt happy that all hardship was over and done with. But many of us are not ready to let go the fact that we will not know when we are gonna see each other again.

No more coming to 8am lectures and being late for class.

No more checking out who is wearing what clothes and checking out what's the latest news

No more breaks in between 2 hours lecture and coming back with snacks.

But someday, we all need to grow up and let all this be memories. The memories will stay and not be forgotten.

Updates!

2010-02-26T17:27:00.002+08:00

Updates! cheez, it seems like it's been years since i updated my blog. Seem like it's getting dusty.

You know at times when you feel like giving up. When you feel like just waving the white flag, have you ever thought about " so that's what life is all about?". I mean is life all about just study, work, grades, survival? That got to be more than that. You only have one time to live so why not live it well? Live it happily and peacefully man. The world is turbulent enough so why add more problems to your life right. Just live like there's no tomorrow!

graduation is coming and it will then mark the end of the polytechnic years. Seems like it's time to grow up already. At times it feel likes it was just yesterday that we as freshmen entered poly. And at times polytechnic days feel draining. Like tough modules, deadlines, tests etc.

But now i guess all is going to be over soon. It'll be a journey that i'll look back. Both good and bad happened in the days at SP. Tears flow and smiles worn. Though the journey to school was seriously a long one but indeed i don't regret being in SP. Because of the moments spent and the bond that was created.

I really Thank God for the people that i got to know through SP. Classmates, buddy classmates etc. Next thursday please come soon so that i can play with a peace of mind.

Woohoo~~ No more APC (for now)

UPDATE!

2010-01-21T18:14:00.002+08:00

Finally an update! my very first post of the year!

fyp have officially END. words cannot describe how all of us feel. Estatic, glad, happy and goes on. many things have happened for the past month or so. Both good and the bad. Well but since the new year is here, so i shall just begin the new year with good stuff :)

in less than 6 weeks or so, it marks the end of our polytechnic life. 3 years just passed by like that. The 3 years was filled with ups and downs. I went through the most difficult thing through the 3 years. Probably this is the time for us to grow up. To finally stand on our own feet and make decisions for ourselves. In poly i had happy moments too, which are to meet 2 special money drinking machine and 1 nice fellow :) of course there are other people that i'm really happy to meet :)

somehow i feel like after the end of poly, it's time for me to wake up and start growing up. No more childlike decisions and acts. It's serious after that. It's like the time to meet the world where politics is common and where to survive is crucial.

Why can't all of us be child like? To be friends and just be happy no matter what. No more bad acts. I guess this phrase is true at times, "it's me against the world". of course if you're lucky, you'll have nice people around you. In this case, i'm really thankful because i have nice people around me :) and i thank them for their presence.

SMILE!

2009-12-22T19:54:00.003+08:00

haven't been blogging for quite a while. seems like everyone dreads FYP now. just wanna tell you guys that it's going to another like a month or so and it's over so don't give up! we've already struggled for so long so no point giving up now! it's going to be all over in less than a month time.

Yesterday i met a friend for dinner. she looked really good! she was telling me all about personal grooming and dressing up. I was thinking to myself like," am i that bad, seriously?". anyway that was random.

everyone's feeling gloomy and tired out these couple of days and weeks. they are also feeling budget with all the christmas shopping especially my mummy. poor her. so much have happened and a new year is coming, so the big question is that why is everyone so sad and stress out.

we all have only this one time to enjoy. we are only young once. so why should we do things or make ourselves so miserable? when i was talking to my friend yesterday who is my age too, it seems like she is really enjoying her life and she makes sure she does things that we will never regret because her theory is that you're only young once.

what i'm trying to say is that, we're only young once. so just have fun and enjoy it! for there will be a time when you look back, you'll then realise that there is more to life than just studies and FYP! HAHA.

Merry Christmas!

I'M BACK!

2009-12-13T08:31:00.002+08:00

FINALLY I'M BACK!
haha, MST just ended on friday. studying for it was horrible. Totally felt like it was the exams. shall not further comment on it.

HOLIDAYS ARE HERE! but seems like no holidays for the rest of us cause many of us are still rushing on our projects and reports especially fyp. it's going to be over soon anyway so guess got to just suck it in.

sometimes i wonder why am i making my life so miserable and sad. i mean it's not going to work with all those negative thoughts. i want to just like use a switch to switch off those negativity cause i'm sure it'll get me into problems. i'm so done with those sadness and all. i mean not like thinking about it could make things better. i just wish i'm one who wouldn't think so much.

FRIDAY!

2009-11-20T20:58:00.001+08:00

it's friday! finally the end of the week.
PHEW~
seems like time is never enough, there's so much to do and so little time. i got to take action NOW!
see ya forks. update next time. Have a great weekend.

it's a chilly night.

I WANT THE OLD TIMES.

2009-11-19T20:32:00.002+08:00

one time, one try and it's over. it's going to be over. this period is going to end and all of us will be able to just look back and smile thinking that everything's done.

i guess everyone's tired and down. like my dad said who doesn't have pressure and what thing is ever easy? with obstacles will it makes us stronger. It's alright to fall, but we have to know how to pick up ourselves up and move on for time waits for no man.

i feel like i'm wasting my time and day by not doing anything meaningful. I just dwindle the day away by avoiding things. i can't. i don't want to waste anytime. i don't wish to look back and say if only i knew. all these words would then be too late.

it'll be over soon then smiles and laughter will be heard. Just like old times :)

STUPID FIGHT

2009-11-19T12:19:00.002+08:00

because of some stupid fight and it spoiled the whole night. argh.
pressure pressure. everyone's feeling the heat and the stress. sometimes i wonder how life is suppose to be.

why is it that in life there seems to be that amount of happiness and like countless unhappiness. like stress and all. a lot of people say that we have to do things positively but seems tough.

i guess a lot of times we have to look at things at a bigger picture. because i'm sure bad times will past.

smile even though the day doesn't seem to go your way for we are a lot luckier than the others because i am.

NO MONDAY PLS

2009-11-15T22:25:00.000+08:00

argh argh.....

i hate mondays. it gets my mood way way down :(

FRIDAY!!!

2009-11-13T17:51:00.002+08:00

It's friday!!! actually i can't wait for sunday cause that is the day where i finally get to see my guy :)
well him being in army have somehow made things different. different in the way that i become less dependent on him though of course at times when i see him my usual dependence comes back. but i start to spend more time with my family especially with my mum and sisters which is a good thing :) i start to treasure the times i have with others.

being in army have changed the way our relationship are going, now we know that we have lesser time to meet up and talk so we just make do with whatever that we have and be happy with it. i'm just happy and grateful for how things are right now.

everyone is feeling the heat, the stress and the pressure. it's tough to just ignore it. i mean how to ignore when works are piling up and deadline are approaching? seriously just want to get this over and done with.

my mum was telling me that someday when you look back, you'll realise that such stress and pressure is totally unnecessary. i think so too. have a great weekend!

STUPID CURIOUSITY

2009-11-10T22:48:00.004+08:00

argh, matdy matdy, just let go of the past. why do you keep letting it bug you?

argh, i've been trying to tell myself that since like who knows when. i have to stop thinking and move forward if not i will be the one suffering. why am i so kpo?? stupid curiousity. just felt like letting it out.

FYP FYP FYP---QUICK OVER QUICK OVER

2009-11-09T21:49:00.002+08:00

MAN MAN MAN....
i seriously can't wait for fyp to be over. argh.. i believe many of us are feeling exactly the same way man. last semester and everything's going to be over.

many of us are starting to feel the stress and pressure cause report are piling up and so much assignment. jus can't wait for everything to be over then we can finally have a break. just wanted to blog for a while cause my mind is full of things.

CLASS GATHERING

2009-11-04T21:07:00.002+08:00

Had class gathering today :) actually it was not bad after all. after all the misunderstandings, seems like things finally settle down and everone is happy with each other :) that's great!
legs are damn aching now. haha.

well it's been a while since we last talked. but i guess to look on the bright side, each day is a day closer to seeing and hearing you. finally, left another 3days and 3 nights and you'll be back. can't wait.

i seriously have no idea what's wrong with me. i really want to get over the past and move move move on. But i guess it's not as easy as it seems. i will keep trying real hard cause everything is in the past. And who doesn't have a past right. i guess at times we should be patient, not jump to conclusion quickly and look at things at the bigger picture.

somehow i feel that guys are really relax about certain stuff and how i wish i can be as relax as them.

tiring day. got to run.

LAUGHTER THE BEST MEDICINE!!!

2009-10-31T09:37:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was so so tiring :(
my feet hurt like mad. yesterday went to town with big sis and brother in law. it was fun but ultra tired. we walked like 6 hours man! 6 hours! i think i'm losing my stamina. haha.

elder sis wanted to paint the town red yesterday but sadly she didn't. instead i was the one who kept on trying clothes and i did see a couple of nice outfit! but too bad i'm on budget recently if not i would have gotten that dress. it's really sweet. can't wait for christmas sale.

yesterday after meeting them at orchard mrt we then headed down to paragon to settle some mobile stuff. they had lunch while i watched them eat. haha, after lunch is where the journey begins!

we went to far east and walked into practically everyshop to find something suitable for my sis and guess what. after walking in to like less than 2 shops, my brother in law went missing. And guess where did he go? He went somewhere to sit and nap while my sis and i went shopping. haha. poor thing. after walking around, we decided to find my bro in law and found him eating. He was seriously damn bored. so i offered him my mp3 to use but too bad the battery died after like half an hour.

he was really energised during the period of using my mp3, but immediately after the battery died, his face changed. his expression was like " are we done with shopping yet?". so typical f guys.

after walking around many shopping centres in town, we went chinatown to eat as a reward for the guy. haha.

It was really fun yesterday and i guess it's been a while since i last had fun like that. my bro in law is the best bro in law man. he really can make me laugh till people start staring at us in town. i pratically laugh the whole day. even when we were deadbeat, he still kept playing around and joking to make us laugh. I'm happy for my sis to have such a hubby.

it's the weekends! better enjoy this weekend cause the following week is HELL WEEKS...

FUN FUN!

2009-10-29T12:27:00.004+08:00

i'm feeling ultra confused now. i don't know what to do and i don't know how to handle it.
You asked me such a direct question and totally caught me off hand. i just really want this cool down and have peace. i have nothing to hurt you so let's just let things go back to normal ok?

these few days i've been pretty much alone. But i'm kind of used to it and i figured that i have to get use to it and start occupying myself. it's really awful feeling so down at one point and clueless at another. I guess it's all in the mind. I just can't wait for this period of time to end.

I've been reflecting a lot lately. I realised that at the end of the day, i'm really thankful that i have my family there for me especially my mum and of course not forgetting the 2 girls who recently been making me laugh and all. I guess there will come a point in time where i have to learn how to be independent. In fact i am now slowly learning to be independent.

I just want to go out and have fun. LOADS OF FUN :) just like yesterday when i went to pick up glasses with my sister, she's really damn funny. Upload the pics next time :)

PRE-MONDAY BLUES!

2009-10-25T10:50:00.002+08:00

Finally set up my blog properly but the links aren't fully up yet. It's another sunday and tomorrow is monday. I bet tonight i will automatically suffer from monday blues.

Somehow these couple of days, things have not gone too well. Things didn't seem to go my way. I'm very tired of having such feeling already, very tired of trying to run away. But i know i got to be positive cause i'm very sure this period of time will go away.

IT'S THE WEEKENDS! SMILE!

2009-10-24T09:03:00.000+08:00

i don't why is it that it is so hard, so tough to just let go. It isn't any of my concern anymore but it's just difficult to let it go. I'll try though.

Mum's been feeling gloomy over the past few days. I guess its probably because of the stress she's facing and when she comes back home, she puts additional pressure on herself. I guess i don't see the way she see things. I guess i'll never understand how she feels till i become a mum myself. Yesterday night was just me and her alone at home. She just kept saying things that wasn't very pleasant to my ear. I couldn't really take it anymore so i just decided to go to my room once she's done with the talking.

It's not that i like to be rude and all but just that my temper starts to get in. I'm doing all that i can to make you happy. But does it mean that making you happy, makes me sad at times? Probably i guess why humans feel angry and down its because we only see things from our prespective. If we could just look at the other party's prespective then things will get better and we'll able to sort it out.

Anyway i hope today will be a good day cause i have loads to things to do today. Haha. My family and i will be driving in to Malaysia this evening to attend someone's baby 1 month anniversary. Pictures will be up!

Have a great weekend everyone!

(damn, have to do formal report)

IT'S FRIDAY!

2009-10-23T16:51:00.000+08:00

bad bad. my blog is so bad. haha. it's not offically up yet. i haven't included in any links yet! haha. it's time i do something to make it complete.

anyway its been a long time like a week since i last update. updates!

today is the opening of a new semester. it's been pretty alright. i'm still slacking. haha. everyone time to wake up cause its the final semester! woo hoo! seriously i will know that someday somewhere i will definitely look back to this chapter of my life.

this morning i guess i woke up on the wrong side of the bed. i woke up feeling real moody and gloomy. when i reach school and saw someone, it got worse. bad would be the exact word. i don't know why but i just got frustrated. i know its time to let go and just enjoy but its tough. especially when you know so many things that happenend. i just want to let go of that feeling and live on happily :)

he's confine in camp this week so i'll be alone. haha. i guess with this period of time, i have to deal it with a positive mind cause i'm very sure that it's not very easy for him as well. everyone faces different kind of stress everywhere so i myself don't want to make things harder enough for him. i just hope he's fine and smiling no matter what :)

2009-10-17T01:14:00.000+08:00

only one word can describe how i feel now.
E.S.T.A.T.I.C
(if i spelled that right)
i'm so so freaking happy today! seems like a long time that this day has finally come.
i was so excited for today(friday) that on Thursday night i had to make myself ultra tired by sleeping at 2am then i suddenly woke up at 6am. I just simply wanted my friday to turn to the evening. Cause it was the time i can finally see him The love of my life.

Seeing him after 10 days of confinement was just awesome. Words cannot describe how i was and am feeling now. Its like suddenly i'm all smiling :) when i first saw him today, i was just stunn for words. I kind of knew it was him and when i confirmed it, i smiled like a fool :)
Bliss

Now i'm just treasuring all the time i have with him :)
i realise its quality, not quantity.

IT'S SUNDAY!

2009-10-11T13:09:00.000+08:00

Today is already sunday. Another 4 more days till he books out. Yesterday night when we were talking over the phone, he said he may be confined for another 2 weeks after the next book in. My heart kind of sink but of course i didn't show him my emotions cause i bet he's feeling worse.

I guess in life somehow the world doesn't just revolve around us only. At times we have to spare a thought for others and do things against our own will. He being in army have thought me a lot of things. That no matter what i do i have to spare a thought about him. Like his feelings. Because somehow i don't want to see him sad and hurt. Especially being sad and hurt in camp all alone is bad. If i am capable enough, i would want to make a pill call happy pill. Happiness is what everyone should have.

Though he's in camp but life still goes on. I'm really thankful for everyone's concern :)

MY FIRST!

2009-10-10T10:23:00.000+08:00

haha, my first blog entry and i decided to switch to blogger cause i was pretty bored of the old one already. yesterday while trying to create a new blog account i just found out i had a blog. Guess what its called. Its called "nerdygal's=blog".

I got a big shock of my life cause i totally had no idea i had created an account before. After much investigation, i found out it was the work of my younger sister. The address of the blog was damn funny. Something like nerdygallolipop.blogspot.com. I forced her to delete it for me. Haha. Anyway post later. Got to run.